Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
