I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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