I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
