he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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