I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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