Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
