non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
