My Higher Power is John Stamos
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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