if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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