If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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