i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
