I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
