you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
