Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
