Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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