i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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