dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
