i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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