ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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