my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night