dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.