I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
