im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
