I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
