A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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