Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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