Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The adults are the big ones right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
