she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
