my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
