So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
