You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So much rum. So many feels.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
