hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
