she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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