You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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