If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cat gives me a boner
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
