So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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