also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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