I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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