he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
