Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
