I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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