allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
