i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
