sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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