he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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