At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
