I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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