allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
