Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
