It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
