Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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