So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
