Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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