Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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