positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
