No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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