You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
