My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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