Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
