i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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