I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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