Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
