Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
