If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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