dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
