i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
