You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
