um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
