I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
