i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
