all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
