watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
