6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
