I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
