mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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