I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
