yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Success! We fucked roommates!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
