Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
