yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
